The Demonologists' Son

Conjuring up a happy childhood

I’m not allowed in the garage. That’s where my parents hide soda, chips and my Christmas presents every December before they get wrapped. It’s also where they keep their collection of cursed objects.

My name is Sam Piper. I’m 11 years old and today is June 18th, 1995. Summer vacation starts next week. This is my journal. Please return if you find it.

I can’t tell you exactly where my house is but it’s in New Hampshire between two cemeteries. Someone famous is buried in one of them, but I can’t remember his name and I forget what he did that was important.

My dad used to run a diaper service and my mom was a dental hygienist but then she helped a lady who was possessed by the Devil so now they both do that for a living.

The Devil is currently in our garage, trapped in a Stretch Armstrong action figure that used to be mine but my mom needed it to put the Devil in after she sucked it out of that lady. I’m proud of my mom for saving the day, but I wish she’d picked something of my sister’s instead to keep the Devil in.

My sister is 17. Her name is Bianca and she hates me. She’s supposed to babysit whenever my parents are away, but mostly she just talks on the phone and tells me to microwave our dinner cuz her “nails are drying.” When will they be dry? I don’t know.

The Devil lives in lots of different things in our garage. A music box. A ventriloquist dummy. An oatmeal creme pie still in its wrapper. You can put the Devil in just about anything. And if you do it right, he’ll be stuck in that thing forever unless you touch or look at it or think about it too much. Also sometimes it’s not the actual Devil, but a demon or evil spirit saying it’s the Devil. If one of those is in a thing in the garage, it’s not as dangerous, but I still shouldn’t play with it.

Sometimes my parents are on tv. They were on Ricki Lake once. I didn’t get to go but Bianca and I recorded it on the VCR at home. My dad said both our names during the interview so that was pretty cool. Then my mom told a guy that his dead wife was not at peace because her ashes were mixed up with somebody else’s. The guy got so mad.

I don’t have powers like my mom. Sometimes Bianca will say she can see spirits too but I think she’s faking. I thought I saw a ghost once but it was just a mylar balloon of a polar bear that flew by my window.

I have heard a voice coming from the garage. It’s not the Devil, but it says its name is Bapogot and it’s from somewhere in the desert like on the other side of the world.

Bapogot used to be worshipped by all these people in a big temple 3000 years ago. And if enough animals got sacrificed to him he’d do nice things for the people like provide a plentiful harvest or turn an invading army into stone. I don’t know what happened since then, but now he’s stuck in an oscillating fan behind our radiator in the garage.

Sometimes I’ll be sleeping and I’ll hear Bapogot’s voice in my head asking me to free him from his prison. He says if I do what he says, he’ll give me all the riches in the world or the ability to fly. I asked him if he could take me to see the movie “Species” when it comes out in theaters next month. He said maybe. But that’s what Bianca says when she lies so I think I’ll let Bapogot stay in the fan.

I did pretty good in school this year. Half A’s and half B’s. I think my mom and dad are proud of me. The next time they’re back for more than a day, they said they’ll take me to Taco Bell/Pizza Hut. I wish they were home more but they have an important job and also they have to be on tv to make money so we can put in a pool next summer. Also they need to pay for my braces at some point but also getting braces makes me kind of nervous so it’s no big whoop if that has to wait.

Today was ok. I had school. We learned about photosynthesis which is how plants eat. Lunch was confetti pizza which is pizza with carrot, peas and corn on it. Kinda good. On my walk home I saw that tall guy covered in dust again. I asked Bianca if maybe he’s a ghost but she said ghosts are see-thru and that is true. So I guess it was just a dusty guy.

Summer’s gonna be kinda boring I think. I’ve got art day camp in August, but til then Bianca and I have to stay at the house and make sure “nothing happens in the garage.” Mom and Dad said if we do that, they’ll pay for cable which means I can finally watch “Snick” on Nickelodeon which is a special thing they do every Saturday. It’s two hours from 8p to 10p. I asked Bapogot if I let him out, could he put me on the show “All That” which is like Saturday Night Live but with kids. He said he probably could but then he looked into it and didn’t think it was a good idea.

I get asked a lot by kids at school if I’m scared of all the stuff in the garage. My mom and dad say I should respond by asking them if they’re scared of stuff in their garage. Like Drain-O and pesticides and chainsaws and stuff. But I don’t say that. Cuz yes, those things could kill me, but if I died from getting poisoned or chainsawed in half, then I’d just go to heaven and everything would be fine. If I fool around with stuff in my garage, my soul could get all messed up and that would be bad.

Anyway. I’m gonna pray for a bit. Stay cool.

-Sam

P.S. Should I free Bapogot? Circle YES or NO